the four of us. I can’t get over it. Right now, I’m using my phone to type this. I have one baby sleeping in my arms, and another one sleeping right next to me. Our world has been flipped upside down this week.. And it is the hardest, best thing I’ve ever been a part of. In an effort to finish this post before the babies wake (and let’s face it, I have no idea how long that will be), here are the highlights:
- We got a call last week asking if we were willing to take in two babies. We said yes.
- We feel a little crazy, but we have a lot of trust in our God.
- I thought I knew what tired was. I spent the past two and a half months waking up at 3:30 AM to get to my trainer, work all day, and then do whatever activity I had after school. Exhaustion seemed to be a part of my life already. Man.. I was wrong. There is no tired like this tired. We are adjusting but realistically know it might get worse before it gets better, seeing as we’ve only been parents of two for less than a week.
- We are content being foster parents. These babies have made people curious as to when we will have biological babies. Not yet. We are happy with this complicated, heartbreaking, incredible life we are living. Of course they make me want to have a baby to snuggle 24/7, but hey, right now I have two 😉
- My husband rocks. I knew that, but it’s been reiterated again and again these past five days. I can’t get over how many people were shocked when I told them he was home with the girls the past two days. Everyone responded with something along the lines of, “Wow! That’s impressive!” or “My husband/boyfriend would be way too scared to do that!” So. My husband is a rockstar. And I’m thankful.
- Babies have a lot of stuff. My house is a disaster zone. I don’t know how to do ANYTHING at home that doesn’t involve diapers or bottles or rockers or onesies. We have apparently forgotten how to remember grown up things like taking out the trash or keeping up with the mail or grocery shopping for anything other than baby items. But despite all that, my heart is full.
- I took a break this week from my early morning workouts (okay all workouts.. let’s face it). But this whole “I don’t always eat because I forget and then hours pass and then I fall asleep” diet is working pretty well.
- My feelings change by the hour. Happy. Terrified. Encouraged. Supported. Lonely. Overwhelmed. Grateful. Honored. Thinking of saying goodbye to these babies already crushes my heart. I am so in love with them. Thinking about not saying goodbye to these babies crushes my heart even more. A momma somewhere is missing out on precious moments with her children. And I’m cheering for her – completely – to get them back. And yet I feel like I’m stealing from her. Stealing the joy of her babies, the moments that she’s missing. But I so badly wish I could tell her that we are FOR her.
Foster care has totally wrecked me. I will never be the same.