Okay. I’m ready to write about feelings! I’ve spent the past few days tying to wrap my head around our new life and routine and all the craziness that comes with it.
Guys. Life is HARD. I only fostered AND worked for three days with little love. And those were three days without students. Totally different ballgame. I am TIRED. My husband is TIRED. He’s been working insane hours and has taken on a LOT of responsibility at the restaurant. There’s so much good about it, but it’s been tough. So with us both working and getting the call for sweet pea, we knew it would be hard. Some are probably reading this thinking we don’t have the time it takes to take in a foster child. We had the same thoughts. I had doubts and worries and fears. But we feel called to this, and that is that. When the call came, we didn’t hesitate to say yes. Well I should say I didn’t hesitate. The woman on the phone had to stop and say, “Wait, do you need to call your husband?” Oh yeah… Sorry babe. He said yes too though! Don’t worry 🙂
Our time with sweet pea has not come as easily and naturally as our time with little love did. She’s older and much more aware of what’s going on. She’s confused and sad and missing family and she knows how to say that. It’s been TOUGH to say the least but God is getting us through it. The first few days were filled with many many tears and moments that broke our hearts. Now we get some tears, but many more laughs and smiles. She’s warmed up to people: wanting my husband whenever something hurts, falling asleep on my dads lap, asking to go to the movies with my mom. Notice how I’m not in the equation yet. Not even close. I’m still “that girl” or “her.” She’s very open and honest about how she feels about me. Basically she wants nothing to do with me unless I’m the only option. But it’s okay.. our days always end with singing JJ Heller together and “I love you’s” galore.
Welcoming sweet pea into our home was exactly what I needed to finally feel some sort of closure with little love. I’m not sure if that will make sense, but my heart is so full thinking that we played a role in little loves life and now we get to do the same for sweet pea. I miss her and I am horrible about not comparing them but I think it’s okay. I feel a peace about our first goodbye that I did not feel until sweet pea was here. And with this peace, I feel like I can reach out and try to see little love soon. I was worried before because I didn’t know how my heart would handle seeing her for a few hours and saying goodbye again. But I think I’m ready. Not trying to get my hopes up (they could easily say no), but I’m in a good place!
I’m actually in more than a good place.. I’ve found myself feeling like I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Living out my purpose. I’m in such a sweet spot with teaching, embracing our fostering journey, loving seeing my husband in his new role as a father… the list could go on. Life is hard & crazy & tiring. But I’m learning and growing and changing and it is sweet. I’m content… And I’m almost never content. It feels good.
It’s taken a village of people to find our sweet spot. And I’m not even talking about fostering specifically. I feel like we lean on our village in almost every aspect of our lives. I couldn’t appreciate it more. My sister has bent over backwards to watch sweet pea until we figure out more permanent plans (and if she is staying). My coworkers have helped me build her an entire wardrobe. Our friends & family have offered encouragement, support, & prayers.
We love you all. Saying thank you never seems like it could be enough, so please know that we are a part of YOUR village as well. And are here if you need anything.
Oh! I’m editing this because I have to say: Daisy has been such a blessing! Sweet pea loved Daisy from the start, and the comfort the Daisy provides her is unreal. All day long she hugs and kisses our sweet pup. They fall asleep together on a related basis. It’s amazing to me what a dog can do for people emotionally.